


The Portrait

by doop_doop



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Awkwardness, Confessions, Getting Together, M/M, No Spoilers, Post-Game(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-28 21:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21399184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doop_doop/pseuds/doop_doop
Summary: Four years after the end of the war, Lorenz commissions Ignatz to paint a portrait of him.Written for the Ignatz Week day 2 prompt "Portrait".
Relationships: Lorenz Hellman Gloucester/Ignatz Victor
Comments: 27
Kudos: 83
Collections: FE3H Rarepair Port's All Pairings Challenge, Ignatz Week 2019





	The Portrait

“I was  _ so _ pleased when I heard you were making a living as an artist now - I composed my letter immediately after learning of the fact. There is no one I’d rather have portray me.” 

_ Some things never change, _ Ignatz thought, following along behind. Lorenz’s voice was the same, with that telltale over-pronunciation, its dramatic rises and falls. His hair was even longer now, and no longer asymmetrical. He was dressed in a blouse, black with intricate gold lacework at the throat and sleeves, and black kneehigh boots polished to a gleam. Ignatz had forgotten just how tall Lorenz was, how long-limbed and graceful - or perhaps he’d still been growing when they’d gone their separate ways, and some of that height had happened since. In any event, he  _ towered.  _

“I’m pleased, too,” Ignatz said. “I’m living a life I didn’t even dare hope for when I was younger.” 

Lorenz had met Ignatz’s carriage at the gate. Ignatz was not so far removed from high society to miss the meaning of that gesture: Lorenz was treating him like an old friend rather than an employee, and whatever worries Ignatz had about the two of them meeting up four years after the battle’s end were fast disappearing. No matter what things might have changed, Lorenz was clearly pleased to see him.

The house - mansion, really - was breathtaking. Ignatz gasped in shock as he looked the first room up and down, aware that Lorenz was watching him and drinking in his approval. “It’s beautiful,” Ignatz said, craning his neck to look at the lofty ceilings. “It’s like no building I’ve ever seen. All this _ art!” _

“Oh, please follow me,” Lorenz said, his voice almost smug. 

They entered a dining room, more intimate and humble than Ignatz had expected - until he looked up and realized the entire ceiling was painted, not a single inch left blank.. It was a sky - expanses of fluffy clouds in pale dawn colors, with angels and pegasi flitting about. 

“Incredible!” Ignatz said, eyes wide. “That work - it’s stunning…”

“Done by a local artist,” Lorenz said. “It was painted… two years ago, now. This was one of his first paid works, and I daresay I helped launch his career. He’s charging quite a lot more these days.” 

As they continued on, Ignatz had no shortage of compliments, and he could see Lorenz’s pleased smile - he was practically preening. The last stop on the tour was Ignatz’s bedroom. “I will have the servants bring your bags here,” Lorenz said, standing in the doorway. “I assume you are tired from the journey, so we can begin the actual painting tomorrow morning.” 

“Oh! Actually, I’m fine,” Ignatz said. “We can start anytime. Today’s fine if you want. ...If you’re not too busy, I mean!” 

“Hm,” Lorenz said. He rubbed his forehead; Ignatz wondered if he was fighting a headache. “Are you quite sure? I don’t mean to inconvenience you. You’re quite welcome to take the evening to yourself-”

“No, no, it’s really fine!” Ignatz said. “I was cooped up in a carriage for the past few days, and I’m honestly missing painting! I’d love to begin as soon as my things are here.”

As if on cue, they heard the servants approaching as soon as the words left Ignatz’s mouth. “Well then,” Lorenz said, “it is no problem.”

“Do you have any ideas what you want? The setting, backdrop, lighting?”

“I know what I wish to wear,” Lorenz said. “Let me change into that, and we shall meet again in the entrance hall.”

“Sounds good!”

He was gone before Ignatz realized he wouldn’t be able to find his way back to the entrance hall alone. Well, he could ask for help; there were enough servants running around the halls that  _ someone _ would be able to give him directions. 

Once upon a time, Ignatz might have been too nervous to call out to a servant and ask for his help. But Ignatz now was different from the boy who’d attended the monastery, different even from the man who’d fought in the war. Four years of living an artist’s life had changed him; it had given him more confidence than he ever possessed before. And, here, was a  _ guest  _ \- Lorenz’s old friend, even - and he was  _ not  _ going to be sorry for needing assistance. The apology was on the tip of his tongue, but he held it back.

When he arrived back at the entrance hall, Lorenz wasn’t there yet, but Ignatz hardly minded; there were enough paintings on the walls to occupy him for a long time. The entire house really was an art lover’s paradise, and he was impressed how much Lorenz had made it his own.

Ignatz was admiring one particularly detailed battle scene when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Lorenz, now wearing an ornate suit of armor, similar to the one he’d worn so often during the war. This one was silver, though. Thanks to the gauntlets on his hands and boots on his feet, the only part of him not mirror-shiny was his head.

“Wow, that’s a striking outfit,” Ignatz said.

“It is a family heirloom.”

“So, uh, do you know where you want this all to happen?” Ignatz asked, glancing around. “Do you want one of the rooms here to be a backdrop? Something outside? Simple, ornate…?” 

“In the garden, perhaps. The roses look stunning this time of year.”

He led Ignatz outside, and after arranging a few things Ignatz began to sketch. After an hour or so, just as the sun was dipping near the edge of the horizon, Ignatz realized that Lorenz’s expression has changed. At first it was bored and a little haughty, chin held high, eyes looking straight at him: a very typical Lorenz pose. But, as time went on, Ignatz began to suspect he was growing tired, or possibly annoyed; his neutral expression turned into a frown, and Ignatz saw a faint gleam of sweat on his brow. Though it was late in the afternoon, the sun was still hot - and the suit of armor could not be comfortable, or cool.

“Alright,” Ignatz said, setting down his pencil. “Let’s stop for the night.”

“Already? I thought you were  _ so  _ eager for this.”

“It’s not for my sake,” Ignatz said, his tone gentle. “I can tell something’s bothering you, Lorenz. I’m sorry I pushed for us to start tonight. We can end the session for now, and I’ll resume tomorrow morning.”

“I assure you, I am  _ fine,” _ Lorenz said. Now he looked petulant, his eyebrows raised and mouth turned down into an almost comical pout. “Ignatz, I insist you keep going.”

“Your facial expression… Is this truly how you want to be portrayed on canvas?”

Lorenz stopped. Ignatz could almost see the wheels spinning as he processed his words. Then, after a long moment, his face softened, and he smiled a little. “Ignatz,” he said, “you’ve changed.”

“If I haven’t changed in four years, that would be a little sad, wouldn’t it?”

Lorenz smiled and stepped towards him, armor glinting. “Let me change back into something more casual, and then we shall dine together. I have the feeling you have many stories to tell.”

\---

Despite his words, at dinnertime it was Lorenz who did most of the talking. Ignatz didn’t mind; the food was so good he was happy just to eat and listen. Lorenz offered him more food at every turn, and topped off Ignatz’s glass of wine practically whenever he took a sip. Again Ignatz got the warm, comfortable feeling that his presence there was truly valued, even if only because he was a good listener.

“Oh, you  _ must  _ tell me all about life as an artist.” Lorenz’s long fingers held the stem of the wine glass delicately, tilting it so the liquid inside spun in a lazy circle. “How different is it from your life before? Are you friends with all the other artists, or are there rivalries and fights?”

“Well, there are  _ some _ rivalries, of course,” Ignatz said, “but I try to stay out of that, if I can help it. Mostly we all get along.” 

“Ah, I wish I could surround myself with artists. It is so dull to be surrounded by lords.”

“You probably can’t escape the lords entirely, but you seem to be doing a pretty good job of surrounding yourself with art,” Ignatz said. He gestured to the room in its entirety - the paintings on the walls, the mural on the ceiling. “Your house is stunning.”

Lorenz smiled a little sadly. “I said  _ artists, _ not art. It is always quieter once they leave.”

“Have you thought of marrying someone who also loves art? I’m sure some noble ladies have as good taste as you.”

Lorenz’s eyes grew large for a second, and Ignatz felt a pang of nerves - had that been the wrong thing to say? He wracked his brain for any stories he’d heard about Lorenz - failed engagements, courtships that went nowhere - but could think of none. 

Then Lorenz’s expression relaxed, and he laughed - a sweet sound, although, just like his earlier smile, it struck Ignatz as false. “Undoubtedly! But my standards for women are even higher than my standards for art.” 

Perhaps blundering on was foolish, but Ignatz had already dug himself this hole - he might as well jump in head-first. “I remember, at the end of the war, you said some things, like maybe you didn’t mind so much if you married a commoner. If you still feel that way, I can introduce you to some extremely talented female artists. I don’t know if you’ll have chemistry with them, of course, but it might be worth a shot - who knows what will happen!”

Lorenz took a long drink of wine. Ignatz saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed - one, two, three times. He set down the glass with a sigh. “What about you?” he said at last. “Any Mrs. Victors you’ll be introducing me to soon?”

“Oh,” Ignatz said, and laughed. “No, definitely not. I love women, but I prefer men.”

Lorenz’s eyes went comically wide.  _ Oh, _ Ignatz thought,  _ I’m drunk, aren’t I? _ It was hard to tell how much wine he’d actually had, what with his glass constantly being refilled. “Not that I don’t like women. I do!” he went on, wanting to strangle himself even as he couldn’t stop blathering. “Women are lovely. Well, some women are. I just like men more. That’s why I don’t think I’ll ever marry.”

_ “Ignatz,”  _ Lorenz said, his voice rising in pitch, “is this some kind of joke?”

“No, although I didn’t actually mean to say this much.” Ignatz stared at his glass of wine, which had gone from friend to enemy in record time. “In any event… perhaps it is time to go to bed. The, uh, the morning light tomorrow will be a very good backdrop. We should get up in time for sunrise.”

The silence stretched on and on and on, and Ignatz shut his eyes, resisting the urge to down the rest of his wine. Finally he heard Lorenz’s chair scraping the floor. “You must be exhausted after your journey,” he said, sounding weary himself. “I must excuse myself - I have some work I need to finish. I will have a servant lead you to your room. If you need anything, do not hesitate to ask.”

_ Okay, _ Ignatz thought,  _ the fact that he didn’t kick me out immediately is a plus. _ “You shouldn’t stay up too late either,” Ignatz said lightly, trying to make the mood a little less tense. “I wouldn’t want you looking sleepy when I paint you tomorrow.” 

“If I have any dark circles, I hope you can simply not paint them. And make me more handsome, while you’re at it,” Lorenz said, smiling. 

“That’s not necessary,” Ignatz said. “You’re plenty handsome already.”

“Ah…” Lorenz turned bright red. “I, ah, thank you.”

_ Goddess help me, _ Ignatz thought,  _ he’s going to think I’m trying to seduce him.  _ “Anyways, goodnight!” Ignatz said, and followed the servant out of the dining room so fast he nearly overtook him in his haste.

That night, Ignatz lay in bed for a long time, his cheeks hot from alcohol and shame. What a mess he’d made of things, and just when they seemed to be going so well, too. 

_ If Lorenz hasn’t decided to kick me out by tomorrow, I’m not drinking another sip of alcohol the entire time I’m here, _ Ignatz told himself.  _ I swear it unto the Goddess. _

\---

Lorenz did not kick him out the next day. In fact, he was perfectly cordial, just as friendly as before the previous night’s awful conversation. Ignatz found it easy to get absorbed in his work, and he spent the entire morning painting. 

“Let us stop for a short time,” Lorenz said eventually. “I’m getting a bit famished. You must be hungry, too.”

Ignatz paused, realizing he  _ was _ hungry; hours had passed in what felt like no time at all. He’d made excellent progress, though. “Yes, I think lunch would be a good idea.”

“May I see what you have so far?”

“Sure.” 

Ignatz was not as nervous as he’d once been to show off his paintings - years of working alongside other artists and enduring their critiquing had thickened his skin. But Lorenz was not just any critic; at the moment, he was Ignatz’s patron, and his opinion was terribly important. Ignatz felt the old familiar weight of nerves side-by-side with hunger in his belly.

He watched Lorenz carefully as he surveyed the painting, but his face gave nothing away. Lorenz looked for a long time, almost a minute, but when he was done he gave a single sharp nod. “Impressive work.” 

“Thank you,” Ignatz said, realizing he’d been holding his breath. “I’m so glad you like it.”

“You sound surprised,” Lorenz said. “Some things haven’t changed, I suppose. Could it be your confidence in your art ability is as low as it was all those years ago?”

“No,” Ignatz said, smiling nervously. “No, I’m much more confident than I was then. I just… well, your opinion matters very much to me, is all!” 

Lorenz raised his eyebrows, and Ignatz laughed loudly, half delirious with nerves, as he realized it sounded yet again like he was flirting. “Because you’re paying me!” he said quickly. “You’re the subject and you’re paying me, so I care a lot!”

“I see,” Lorenz said. He paused; the silence felt heavy, and after a moment Lorenz cleared his throat. “Shall we head inside?”

“Yes! Let’s!”

\--- 

The rest of the afternoon passed relatively smoothly, thank the Goddess, and Ignatz continued to make good progress on the portrait. When the two of them sat down for dinner that evening, Ignatz pointedly ignored his full wine glass.

“I appreciate you spending your time with me,” he said, after they’d finished eating and there was a lull in the conversation. “I can’t imagine how busy you must be. I’m sure it’s not easy to take this much time off to spend with me.” 

“Oh,” Lorenz said, his tone lofty, “it is nothing.”

“Don’t say that,” Ignatz said. “I know it’s not nothing. You don’t have to put on airs for me.”

Lorenz looked surprised for a moment, then sighed. “You’re right, it isn’t nothing. I am often extremely busy. But I planned to take time off from my duties during your stay. I figured it would be worth it, for the chance to spend time with an old friend.”

“I… Well, I don’t know what to say,” Ignatz said. “Thank you. If you ever need to go back to your duties, feel free! And I’ll hurry to finish the painting so I don’t inconvenience you too much!”

“Ignatz, it truly is no inconvenience. Take as long as you need.”

“You  _ say _ that, but I’m sure it is,” Ignatz said. “Just as you said you weren’t busy, you’re saying this to - to make me feel less guilty. It’s okay, Lorenz, I’m not as sensitive as I used to be - there’s no need to handle me with kid gloves.”

“You misunderstand,” Lorenz said, frowning. He sounded frustrated. “I  _ enjoy  _ it. Not the portrait painting, so much, but… giving this portion of my time to you. I find it… agreeable.”

Ignatz did not get the sense that Lorenz was lying just to please him. “Oh,” he said, smiling, “thank you! That makes me happy to hear!” 

“May I finish the tour?” Lorenz said.

“Huh?” The conversation change was so abrupt that, for a moment, Ignatz could not comprehend it. “Tour?”

“I did not give you the full tour of my house yesterday,” Lorenz said, rising. “May I complete it? There is another room I would love to show you. I’d like your opinion on something.” 

“Oh,” Ignatz said, standing as well. “Yes, sure. Of course.”

He mutely followed Lorenz down a long hallway and through elaborate double doors. “My bedroom,” Lorenz said over his shoulder, although that would have been obvious to any observer; the bed was larger than any Ignatz had ever seen, the pillows and sheets pale blue embroidered with gold. There was a window three times Ignatz’s height, and Lorenz unlatched and opened it, giving them a stunning view of the mansion’s garden and grounds. 

“It’s beautiful,” Ignatz said. He didn’t have to pretend at all - it  _ was  _ beautiful, one of the most beautiful rooms he could remember seeing outside of the monastery. “Lorenz, it’s truly lovely.” 

“And my bed?” Lorenz said. “Thoughts on this?”

“It’s, ah, it’s lovely too,” Ignatz said. “I like the embroidery.”

“It’s custom,” Lorenz said. “And the mattress is the softest you’ll ever feel.” He sat down on the edge of it and patted next to him. “Come, feel it.”

Ignatz stared, taking half a step back in alarm. He couldn’t possibly be misunderstanding an approach that forward. Ignatz back at the monastery would have been flustered, maybe even oblivious; but by now he had done this song and dance half a dozen times.

“Lorenz,” Ignatz said, “you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?”

Even in the dim, flickering torchlight, Ignatz could see Lorenz’s blush at the words. “I suppose I am,” he said, his voice rising in pitch. “Excuse me, I-”

Ignatz stepped towards him. “I’m not unreceptive, Lorenz, but I  _ am  _ surprised.”

“You - what?”

“I’m surprised! Back at school, you were always pursuing girls - so much that the Professor even had to talk to you about it! Although I know a person can like both men and women, I just always thought of you as such a skirt-chaser…” 

_ “Please,” _ Lorenz said, looking away. “Skirt-chaser? I was hardly  _ chasing skirts. _ I was trying to find a suitable wife. At the time, I thought it my only course of action. I could see no other future for myself but doing what was expected of me and passing on my bloodline.” 

“I guess you’re right,” Ignatz said. “You chased girls, but you never really  _ caught  _ them, did you? You always seemed to scare them off pretty quickly. Maybe that was intentional?”

“It was  _ not,”  _ Lorenz said quickly. “How rude! I was doing my best.” Then he shook his head and laughed. “It is true, however, that my best was not very good. Perhaps you’re right in suggesting that I did not want the ladies’ attention as much as I thought I did, and I never even realized it.”

“Well, look at you now!” Ignatz said, throwing his arms open wide to encompass the room, the house, the art on the walls. “You’re living the life you chose, no wife needed, and who can tell you you’re wrong? I’m proud of you.”

“Please.” Lorenz rubbed his forehead. “Do not mock me.”

Ignatz frowned. “I’m not mocking you.”

“Is it not obvious that, despite being privileged enough to live my life as I choose, I am still not happy? I’m missing something - I have been ever since I left the monastery.” 

Ignatz, feeling the room’s mood shift, sat down gingerly on the bed beside Lorenz. “What are you missing?”

“I don’t know,” Lorenz said. He sounded miserable. “I’ve given that quite a lot of thought. I believe part of it is how stifling life among nobles is. All of my classmates had such rich and varied backgrounds - there was never a dull day. Even when I did not see eye to eye, I found them all very interesting. And I miss that.” He sighed. “But I think it is more than that alone.”

“Do you know what else it could be?”

Lorenz put his hands flat on the bed behind him, leaning back on them and tipping his head up to stare at the ceiling. Ignatz admired his profile, the curve of his long neck. “Yes,” Lorenz said, after a few seconds had passed. “I think I’m lonely. It is nice, of course, to live the life I’ve been prepared for - to know I’m helping the people in the best way I know how. Yet after my work is done, I come home to a mansion filled with servants, none of them caring about me one bit.”

“And most of the people who do care about you live far away.”

“Exactly!” Lorenz said. “That is why I find it no burden at all for you to be here. I even find myself wishing I’d commissioned you to paint a mural instead of a simple portrait - you are making too much progress, and I fear you’ll be finished far too quickly.”

“I’m enjoying myself,” Ignatz said. “And I’m enjoying spending time with you. Lorenz, I’m not opposed to staying after the portrait’s done.” 

“Really?” Lorenz’s voice was quiet, soft in a way Ignatz couldn’t remember ever hearing before. “You… wouldn’t mind staying longer?”

“I enjoy being with other artists, but it’s a lot of fun to see new places too,” Ignatz said. “You’re just outside of a large city, aren’t you? We passed through it on my way here. And I heard there are some really striking cliffs just to the north of here-”

“Yes,” Lorenz said, nodding. “All of this is true. But I know you’re just doing this out of pity for me.”

“I’m doing it because a friend of mine is lonely,” Ignatz said. “There’s no shame in admitting something like that.”

“Ignatz, you are  _ so  _ good-hearted. I am glad the years have not changed that.”

“But look, Lorenz,” Ignatz said, hearing the edge in his own voice, “you don’t have to offer yourself to me to get me to stay.”

Lorenz’s mouth fell open, and he blinked in surprise.  _ “Excuse me?” _

“I know it’s not a coincidence that, the day after I say I prefer men, you lead me to your bedroom,” Ignatz said. He knew his words were harsh, but this was something he absolutely did not want Lorenz to misunderstand. “If you’re lonely and you want me to stay, you can just ask me, alright? You don’t need to go through this setup - in fact, I’d much rather you didn’t.” 

Lorenz leapt to his feet. “Ignatz.” 

“What?”

“Leave my room this instant.”

Ignatz stood slowly, frowning. “Look, all I’m saying is-”

“Leave. My. Room.”

“Alright,” Ignatz said. He did not look behind him, but as soon as he was in the hallway he heard the door slam. He wandered around for a minute or two, then was lucky enough to stumble onto a servant who pointed him in the direction of his own quarters. 

_ I… may have gone too far, _ Ignatz thought. He lay in bed for a long time, tense with nervousness. Alcohol or no alcohol, he’d managed to screw things up yet again. But he would apologize to Lorenz the next day, and hopefully his friend would forgive him.

\---

“Ignatz.”

Ignatz woke with a start, scrabbling for his glasses. “Huh?” 

Lorenz was standing in the middle of the room, a candle in his hand. Through the window Ignatz could see the horizon was just barely tinged with gray, meaning it was still before sunrise. “What’s going on?” Ignatz asked, sitting up in bed. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing’s the matter,” Lorenz said. “Relax. I just wanted to talk to you.” 

“It’s the middle of the night!”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Lorenz said. “It took me a long time to gather my thoughts, and my courage.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and set the candle down on Ignatz’s bedside table. “When I finally found the words, I thought it imperative to tell you at once.” 

“It’s the middle of the night,” Ignatz said again, feeling groggy. He rubbed his eyes. “But… I’m glad you’re not mad at me.”

“I  _ am _ mad at you,” Lorenz said promptly. “But I want you to know exactly why.”

With the bed against the wall, and Lorenz seated on the edge of it, Ignatz was more or less boxed in - he had no choice but to listen. “Go ahead.”

Lorenz cleared his throat and adjusted his hands in his lap before beginning. “After the war’s end, I gradually lost touch with everyone in our class. I exchanged letters with some of our classmates, and I still do, occasionally, but it’s a pale substitute for face-to-face contact. It didn’t take long for me to realize I missed everyone terribly, as I have already said. But out of everyone in the class, I found myself missing you the most.

“I was truly happy when I learned you had gotten your wish - and your parents’ approval - to live the life you’d dreamed of. I knew knighthood wouldn’t have suited you. I truly did write to you as soon as I heard you were living as an artist, although it took a bit to ascertain where to send my letter. All these years I’ve wanted to catch up with you, to learn how you were doing, to… to see you again. Even if you did not paint, or even if you hadn’t agreed to paint me, I would have wished to meet with you again.” 

“You really missed me the most? Why?”

“Because I have feelings for you, of course.” Lorenz lifted his chin haughtily. It made him look fierce and terribly handsome, his features stark in the dim candlelight. “That is why your implication last night was so insulting to me. You reduced my feelings to a mere ploy, the desperation of a lonely man. I assure you, they are much more than that!”

“I’m sorry,” Ignatz said.

“Let me finish!” Lorenz said. “My feelings, Ignatz Victor, are something I’ve held on to for years - nearly since we reunited five for the first time. Romance during war, romance between men - these are all tricky things, and so I held it in, thinking if something were meant to happen, it would happen.” He shook his head. “Then, when my feelings didn’t go away even after we were apart, I thought: maybe it is only my love of art, and artistic people; maybe this flame will be quenched if I meet other artists. But…” He sighed. “Other artists only made me miss you more.”

Ignatz longed to speak, but was afraid of interrupting again. He held very still, listening, waiting; and after a moment Lorenz continued.

“My desire to see you again overpowered my better judgment; I knew it unwise to invite you here at all. I knew it would rekindle that old fire within me, but I wanted it too much. When you mentioned the other night that you are of the same type as me - that you desire the company of other men - my heart began to hope. But I realized my enthusiasm was only confusing you, and I had to come here and explain myself. Yes, I, Lorenz, am lonely, and yes, I would be glad to be visited by any like-minded friend - but my attempt to bed you did not spring from loneliness of that sort. It did not spring from  _ desperation. _ I assure you, I would not have behaved thusly to anyone else.”

Lorenz’s last words had a note of finality, but Ignatz still waited an extra second or two, wanting to be totally certain. His heart was beating hard; the whole time Lorenz was speaking, Ignatz had felt removed from the situation, as if he was still dreaming. It was a lot to take in at once. “Lorenz,” he said, fidgeting with a loose thread on his blanket, “I… I never knew.”

“Of  _ course  _ you never knew,” Lorenz said. “I took pains to keep you from knowing.” 

“Right, of course,” Ignatz said. “Look. Lorenz. I… I really like you, and admire you. I like being around you, and it makes me really happy to hear that you like me being here, too. I don’t know if I feel as deeply for you as you feel for me, but…” He paused, and Lorenz leaned towards him, as if hanging onto his every word. “Maybe we could, um, give it a shot?” 

“Give it a shot?” Lorenz echoed blankly.

“Yes! I mean…” Ignatz faltered at the confused look on Lorenz’s face. “What do  _ you  _ want to happen, Lorenz? When you confessed all this to me, what was your ideal outcome?”

Lorenz pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Well, that you would… return my affections…” 

“And then?”

“I… don’t know,” Lorenz admitted. “I hardly know how these things work. My only knowledge concerns formal courtship, which this certainly is not.”

“You’re right that this doesn’t need to be formal,” Ignatz said. “There’s no need to make promises to each other, right? We can take it day by day. I’m in no hurry to leave again.”

Lorenz frowned. “But you  _ will  _ leave, someday.”

“Who knows?” Ignatz said. “Maybe, when that day comes, you’ll come with me.”

A strange expression crossed over Lorenz’s face at those words - first scornful, then hopeful. Ignatz wondered if Lorenz had ever even thought about going traveling. He quickly added, “Anyways! For now I’ll just plan on staying here for a while. We can see how things go. And… thank you, for telling me what you did. About your feelings for me, I mean.”

“Ignatz.”

“Yeah?”

“What precisely does ‘seeing how things go’ mean in this context?” 

“Oh, um…” Ignatz stifled a yawn; outside, it looked like dawn was imminent, and the sky lit up the room better than the candle, which was nearly burned out. “You know, we… we can treat it almost like an informal courtship of sorts?” He used the word so Lorenz would better understand his meaning, although, when he’d been in relationships of this sort in the past, they certainly hadn’t been as traditional as “courtship” implied. “Seeing if we’re compatible with each other. And if things get physical, that’s… that’s fine too. I’m certainly open to that idea.”

“What is the  _ point  _ of this?” Lorenz said, wrinkling his nose. “It isn’t as if we’re complete strangers. We already consider each other friends, and we  _ know _ we’re compatible, whatever  _ that  _ is supposed to mean. This seems very roundabout, very indirect.”

“Alright,” Ignatz said slowly, “how would you prefer to do things?” 

Lorenz froze, his cheeks reddening. “Ah, I don’t know…”

“You want things to move faster, don’t you,” Ignatz said thoughtfully. “I mean, you invited me into your bed last night. You’re wanting to get physical now? Is that right?”

Lorenz made some strange hand gesture that Ignatz could not interpret, his face red. “Well,” he said, “there’s no need to be so blunt about it…” 

“Personally, I prefer bluntness,” Ignatz said. “It doesn’t leave as much room for confusion.”

Lorenz looked at him more directly now. “You’ve changed more than I expected, Ignatz.” 

“I - I should hope so!” Ignatz said, laughing. “I’m quite glad I’m not the same person I was when we last spoke.” 

“I hope you understand why I  _ don’t _ prefer bluntness,” Lorenz said. “It can be… indelicate.” 

“Look,” Ignatz said, his growing tiredness making his tone short, “I’m not the sort of person who does well with hints - I’ve had people try to hint to me before, and only realized days or weeks later that they were hints at all. I’ve been with people who are never upfront about their feelings, and it’s… well, it’s exhausting. I  _ much  _ prefer bluntness.  _ Please  _ be blunt with me.”

But Lorenz was looking at him, obviously surprised. Ignatz raised his eyebrows. “What is it?”

“You’ve…  _ been with  _ people? ...Romantically?”

Ignatz felt weary. “Of course I have. I haven’t spent the last few years hiding under a rock. Are you surprised because it’s  _ me _ we’re talking about?”

“What? No,” Lorenz said quickly. “It’s just that I…” 

He trailed off, and Ignatz looked at him, and suddenly the half-finished sentence completed itself in his head. “...You haven’t been?”

Lorenz shook his head.

“Oh,” Ignatz said, and reached out and took one of Lorenz’s hands in his own. Lorenz looked over at him, eyes wide; and under the weight of that gaze Ignatz reached up and brought Lorenz’s hand to his lips, kissing the back of it once, gently.

“Here’s what I suggest,” Ignatz said. “Let’s both try to sleep now, and discuss this in the morning.” 

“The sun has risen,” Lorenz said, looking out the window. “The day’s begun. I  _ cannot  _ sleep now.”

“Just try,” Ignatz said pleadingly. “Or at least let  _ me  _ try. I’ll be much more coherent in the morning.” 

“Very well,” Lorenz said, slowly pulling his hand out of Ignatz’s grasp and getting to his feet. “I will let you sleep. I… I hope we can resume this conversation in the morning.”

“We will,” Ignatz said firmly. “I promise.”

\---

Ignatz awoke in the late morning and hurried out of bed, afraid he’d kept Lorenz waiting; but when he asked a servant, he was told Lorenz was actually still sleeping. Ignatz wandered the mansion for a little while, but somehow the works of art on the walls now struck him as more sad than beautiful.

When he couldn’t stand it any longer, Ignatz found his way outside. Before, he’d hardly noticed the roses as anything more than a backdrop, so focused had he been on beginning his painting. Now, finally, he could take the time to enjoy them. He sat on the edge of the garden wall and felt the breeze in his hair; it was pleasantly cool, and Ignatz was content to sit there for a long time, soaking in the morning sun. 

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, if it was ten minutes or sixty, but in the end it was Lorenz’s voice that pulled him from this trance. “Good morning, Ignatz.”

Ignatz turned. Lorenz was wearing some sort of robe, and looked wonderfully unkempt - hair unbrushed, eyes hazy with sleepiness. Ignatz smiled. “Good morning.”

“I couldn’t find you, and the servants mentioned you’d gone outside,” Lorenz said, looking down at his hands. “I knew your things were still here, but a part of me still wondered if you were preparing to leave entirely.” 

“No,” Ignatz said, shutting his eyes as a gust of wind ruffled his hair. “No, I just wanted to be outside. I’m not going anywhere.”

Lorenz looked at the garden wall for a moment, then slowly sat down on it next to Ignatz. “I must apologize for bothering you in the middle of the night,” he said. “Looking back on my actions now, it seems almost as if I wasn’t in my right mind.”

“Did you mean what you said?” Ignatz asked, turning to look at him. He felt cold at the thought that Lorenz might take his words back. Ignatz had no doubt they’d been sincere, but perhaps Lorenz wasn’t ready to show his heart quite so entirely.

“I  _ did  _ mean it,” Lorenz said, and Ignatz exhaled in relief. “I meant what I said, but I regret the strange way I went about confessing my feelings to you.” He chuckled. “None of what I said was too important to save until morning. Now I have spent half the day sleeping, and inconvenienced you terribly by waking you up in the middle of the night.”

Ignatz shrugged. “It  _ was  _ strange, I won’t deny that. But I understand how it feels to have something inside of you, burning to come out. I’m not upset at you for it - though I was a little upset last night.”

Lorenz smiled. He looked tired, so tired - but the smile was genuine, the warmth in his eyes visible as he held Ignatz’s gaze. 

“I’ll stay with you,” Ignatz said. He threaded his fingers through Lorenz’s, much the same way he had the night before, and saw Lorenz’s cheeks flush in surprise. “After I finish my portrait, I’ll stay with you.”

“I’m glad,” Lorenz said. “I know I said this already - perhaps several times - but: I missed you terribly.”

“I missed you too.” 

Ignatz leaned forward and planted a kiss on Lorenz’s cheek. He caught a whiff of something sweet and delicate and floral; but whether it was the blossoms in the garden or Lorenz himself, he wasn’t sure.

**Author's Note:**

> [\- my twitter](https://twitter.com/doop_doop2)  
[\- the fe3h rarepair server](https://discord.gg/SPeGQcm) \- feel free to come in and say hello!


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